Whatever Takes Us Home
by Specificitydarling
Summary: Future Fic! Serena comes home again. Dan forgets where that is. Nate is settling down. Chuck isn't settling for anything. Blair is making it on her own. Will be continued.
1. The seasons have changed

_I hope this first chapter makes sense... It will definitely be continued. I will do my best, but uodates will rely heavily on my school load and reviews from readers! hehe_

_All inspiration from the Gossip Girl TV series. Claire, and all other unrecognisables are mine. Everythign else belongs to The CW and GG._

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* * *

_

Mr. and Mrs. Robert Henshaw

_request the pleasure of your company_

_at the marriage of their daughter_

_Claire Rosemarie_

_to_

_Mr. Nathaniel Fitzwilliam Archibald_

_At St. Patrick's Cathedral, 5th Avenue_

_On Saturday, twenty-first June_

_Two thousand and sixteen_

_At 2:30 o'clock_

_And afterwards at_

_Tavern on the Green, Central Park._

_R.S.V.P_

_213-555-8137_

* * *

Her mother's blonde hair glows through the crowd of people. A guiding light. Serena takes a deep breath and turns a full circle, taking in the world around her. The airport was buzzing with people. Coming and going, seeing and doing. She wants to run away, to get on the next departing plane and leave this place. Again. But instead she walks in the direction of her mother, who was waiting, with patient expectation on her face. She wonders how much she had missed she was away. And she wonders how much she'd have to catch up to.

"Serena!"

She lifts her head, and sees her mother grinning widely. She walks straight into her open arms, reassuring warmth engulfs her, as she smiles. It feels faint and foreign on her face, even though there had been no lack of smiling while she had been away. This was a different sort of happiness.

"Hey mom."

Lily takes over pushing the trolley - saying nothing about her one lonely suitcase, when she had left with 3- and guides her to the nearest exit. Their steps fall in time, a soothing harmony, amongst the bustle of the crowded terminal.

"I'm so glad your home." She says when they reach the car. Not a limo, she notes and wonders what exactly her mother has been up to. But still, the driver steps out to get her bag and open her door and she remembers how for an entire year, she drove a truck.

* * *

He unlocks the door and walks inside, tossing his keys on the table in the hall. He still finds it strange, coming home to an empty apartment. After living so long at home, and then with roommates during college, he's not used to such peace, such quiet. It's the perfect place for a writer. None of which explains why he so often gets writer's block.

He leaves his paper bags on the kitchen counter, telling himself he'll unpack them later. He wouldn't, he knew, but this was one of the perks of living alone. He falls onto the couch with a sigh, turned on the TV and flicks through his wad of mail. It was unusually large, each with an address printed on it, one he still couldn't believe was his.

The last envelope was different, with a border of golden swirls, addressed to a Mr. Daniel J. Humphrey. For a moment he couldn't remember who that was. It took him a minute for his eyes to focus on the curly writing, inviting him to something he had no wish to attend. It would mean going back to people he never truly knew, to a place he never belonged to. He tossed the beautifully designed card, along with its envelope on to the couch and got up for a beer. He falls in front of the TV again, a minute later and watches the weather channel, wondering when, exactly, he became 'Lonely Boy' again.

* * *

He takes a shower while she gets a cup of coffee from the kitchen. Its empty and she thanks herself, like she does every morning, for not giving in to her mother's insistence of a maid. She misses Doretta, though it took her a while to realise that the hired help was more of a best friend.

She's been busy these days, being Blair Waldorf, because it's the job of a lifetime. And surprisingly enough she doesn't mind an empty apartment. The company of her cat and on occasional nights, Him, is plenty, she's come to realise. She likes herself more when she's alone, when she can wear expensive lounge clothes and watch old movies, eating ice cream out of the tub. She hasn't surrendered to the bathroom once since she moved out of home.

The doorman delivers her mail and she thanks him, with a genuine smile on her face. She flicks through the pile, noting bills she now pays herself, though still without any difficulty, drops her mother's postcard from Spain on the table and stops at the envelope so beautifully emblazoned that it could not be anything else.

By the time he comes into the living room, shirt unbuttoned but otherwise dressed, she has recovered enough to hold it up in front of his face.

"Were you going to tell me?" She stares at him, fury bubbling up again. More due to being caught off guard than anything else. She had spent years distancing herself away from the drama she was born into, and she wasn't sure she was ready to face it again. Everyone would be there, everyone would be judges. And she, for once, didn't want to be in the competition.

He looks at her, "I told him not to invite you." And his words cut her in ways she cannot recognise. There is no doubt, not anymore, that she will go. After all, she does, once again, have something to prove.

She finds her words just in time to hear the click of her door shutting behind him.

* * *

Dan answers his phone, only to hold it away to protect his ears from the squeal. One person, at least is happy about the invitation. He presses the speakerphone button and listens to his sister talk cute wedding outfits while he makes something constituting dinner for himself. Though she's in her last year of college, sometimes he's not so sure she ever left Constance Billiard's.

"Dan... Dan?" Jenny's voice brought him back to his kitchen, where the pasta was nearly overcooked.

"I'm here – hey have you talked to dad lately?"

She giggled, "Nice change of topic."

He rolled his eyes. Sometimes, he misses living together as a family, her stealing his privacy away from him, and their dad trying to be the cool one. Sure, mingling with Upper East Side was painful, but it made going home so much more desirable. How was it, then, that his new home was exactly in the middle of the place he had been trying to run away from?

"When are you gonna have us over for dinner?" he heard his sister grin through the phone, her ulterior motives spilling out through the receiver.

"When I unpack all the boxes." He moved to drain the cooked pasta.

"Da-an...You moved in 8 months ago!"

Exactly.

* * *

"Home Sweet Home!" Lily exclaims as she opens the door, Serena nods in agreement, although she's not sure she recognises the place. The furniture is new, the walls a different colour and she's sure the painting in the hallway is merely a print.

"So, what do you want to do? Dinner? We can go out? Invite some of your friends..." Lily trailed off as she went into the living room.

She looked around; she just wanted to stay in the confined walls of this strange place. She wasn't hungry, for food or company.

"Actually, I'm kind of tired." She says, and it's only a half lie, she had been flying for 16 hours, after all.

Lily returns with a sympathetic smile, "I expected that. It's getting late anyway, you should rest and we'll catch up tomorrow."

She picked up her suitcase and moved towards her room, hoping that that, at least, had not changed too much.

"Wait, before you go. This came in the mail this morning." Lily handed her a white and gold envelope. She took it cautiously from her hand. It was a beautiful envelope, though that did not make her want to open it. She had learnt that any mail sent to her mother's apartment was usually not desirable news.

She took it into her room, where the walls were the same colour as before, thankfully. She sat on her bed and fingered the dainty paper before ripping it open, leaving her name indecipherable on scraps of paper.

She stared at the invitation, drawing her back to her past. This was exactly the reason she didn't want to come back, and exactly the reason she did. She was torn between what ruined her life, and what made it.

Her mother, it seemed, had spent the year mastering the art of perfect timing, as she knocked on the door lightly.

"Serena, are you okay?"

It was such an open ended question, and she replied the only way she could think of.

"I – I will be."

And she hoped to God she wasn't lying.

* * *

**TBC**

If you love, like, or hate, please review.


	2. You just can't escape the scene

_Hey guys! Sorry this second chapter took so long... I've been super busy with school and friends and the like but here you go. I'll do my best to get the next chapter up quicker. As always, the more you review the quicker I write and more inspired I get. hehe_

_BTW, Claire and Amy are my own characters the rest are ll property of GG and The CW (unfortunately)._

* * *

Her eyelids flutter open and she is momentarily blinded by the sunlight invading her room. For a moment, she forgets where she is- wondering where the mosquito net and 100 degree temperatures went missing. As she gets out of bed the cool air from the air conditioner hits her, as well as the sweet scent of roses. It is unfamiliar enough to make her stomach churn with homesickness.

Her mother had left a note on her door, letting her know that she stepped out and would be back in a couple of hours. She revelled in the silence around her. It reminded her of the year past, when the only thing glowing was the sunrise and she waited for the world to begin.

She was in the kitchen, making toast, when the doorbell rang. She sighed and went to answer it, wondering if her mother's couple of hours had already past. She wrapped her silk dressing robe around her, and opened the door. Her jaw dropped but no words came to mind. A wretched incoherence she had not expected at 25.

"Well, are you going to let me in?" Blair asked, chin slightly lifted and Serena knew she was hurt.

She stepped aside to let the brunette it, attempting to form together a sentence. She had not expected-nor prepared for – this. "I – What are you doing here?"

"Hi Blair. Nice to see you, Blair. I missed you, Blair. Or have those words lost their meaning after so long?" Blair asked, before continuing into the living room. And in her own house, Serena found herself following her.

"No, I meant - How did you know I was here?"

"Lily called me. She thought you might need some friends." Blair looked at her accusingly, it should have been she who made that call, they both knew.

"I'm sorry. I was going to call you. Once I got used to being...here again."

"I'm sure it's different there." Blair still can't bring herself to name the place that stole her friend from her.

"Different...Its- Blair, it's amazing!" Serena sat down next to her on the white leather couch – the kind made not to be sat on.

"You'll have to tell me about it." It was spoken more softly, and she turned to see a glimmer of nostalgia in her friend's eyes. It was gone as quickly as it came, as she thrust a white card into her lap. "After we talk about this."

Serena didn't have to look down to see what it was. She already knew. The force pulling her back, kicking and screaming, was doing the same to Blair.

* * *

He was late, as he often was these days. It seemed that the more ordered his life was supposed to be, the more messed up he became. He was looking forward to the day all this planning was over. When they could just get on with their life – a happily ever after. Finally.

His shirt was half buttoned when he answered the door. He sighed, out of frustration.

"Coming. Sorry, you're going to have to wait – What are you doing here?"

Chuck was leaning against the doorframe, his signature smirk crossing his face.

"I see you're happy to see me, Nathaniel." He stood up straighter, obviously wanting to be let in.

"Uh, no. Sorry man. I just – I was expecting Claire."

Nate turned around and continued back to his bedroom, his best friend following him.

"I told you not to invite her." Chuck snarled after a moment.

He turned around suddenly, his blue eyes opened wide, but still avoiding looking into Chuck's eyes.

""What's the big deal? She's fine with it. I talked to her."

Chuck raised an eyebrow, and his voice. "The big deal is Blair Waldorf. If she was fine with it, then why did she freak out when she got the invitation? I told you it was a bad idea" he snarled.

Nate's mouth formed an 'o' of understanding, and quickly covered up his red face by turning around to check his reflection in the mirror. Of course Chuck would be talking about Blair, that's all he ever talked about. He wondered how long his best friend would continue playing his game. And how long he would continue playing his own.

"Blair. Yeah... I couldn't not invite her. We're friends -"

Chuck's sigh stopped him from finishing his sentence, and Chuck took the opportunity, "You need to get over her!" Nate turned to stare at his friend's outburst, "You aren't friends. Stop pretending nothing has changed and start moving on."

Nate clenched his fist at his side, using his willpower to keep it there, "I am moving on! I'm getting married in two weeks!"

"Well I should hope so." A voice came from behind them. Both men turned to see a tall blonde standing in the doorway.

Nate glared a Chuck for a split second before turning to his fiancée, a bright smile on his face which was only half forged. He rushed over to give her a quick kiss.

"Hey. Sorry, Chuck was just leaving. And I'm all set." He said quickly, not allowing her a word in edgewise. Just In case.

Claire gave him a quizzing glance before smiling politely to Chuck and asking him if he needed a ride anywhere.

"Thank you, Claire, but no. As Nathaniel said, I was just leaving. Have fun." Chuck smirked and left the room without giving Nate a second glance.

Nate, however, watched his best friend back as he left the apartment, thankful that Chuck was only talking about Blair.

* * *

Dan knocked on the door patiently, and smiled politely when Amy opened it.

"Dan. Hey, how are you?" his sister's roommate asked, smiling just a little too widely.

"Uh, good, thanks. Is Jenny here? She wasn't answering -" He motioned to his phone.

Amy grabbed his arm, and pulled him inside. "Yeah, she's in her room. Been in there all day. Maybe you can talk her into having some fun with me. Or maybe you're interested yourself?" She winked. He had gotten used to Amy's extreme friendliness over the past year. But he still felt weird when she tried to flirt with him every time he came over. He smiled a thanks and made his way to his sister's bedroom.

"Let me know if I get you anything!" She called after him.

* * *

She lay on her bed, gripping a tattered photograph. She was still coming to grips with the fact. Although she wasn't sure how she was just supposed to forget a whole part of her life, like he was asking her to do.

It was even harder to pretend she was excited about everything. To fulfil everyone's expectations of her. Not that it was something she wasn't used to.

A knock on her door startled her and she shoved the photo under her pillow. She smiled weakly when Dan popped his head in, asking to come in.

"Sure. What's up?" She sat up on her bed and put on a bright, fresh face.

"You weren't answering your phone." He had the concerned older brother thing going on.

"Oh. It must've died." She said and moved to get it off her desk. "Yeah, see?" she showed him the black screen.

"Oh. Amy said you've been hanging out here a lot lately. You wanna go out, spend some time with your big brother?" he grinned at her and she raised an eyebrow at the innocent suggestion.

She pretended to mull it over, but looked back at him and nodded, "Sure, let me just get changed. Go hang out with Amy for a minute."

He grimaced and she laughed. "Go on, you've gotta stop being lonely boy some day." She said in a sing-song voice.

He made a worse face and left the room, muttering something about sisters.

Jenny quickly pulled on a summer dress and stuffed some things into a purse. Before leaving her room, she turned on her phone being welcomed back with one unread message.

She sighed loudly as she threw it into her bag. He sure was making it hard for her to pretend.

* * *

I hope you enjoy this second installment! Be on the look out for chapter!!


	3. we wake up in full make up

**hey guys, here's another installment. Sorry it took me ages for this chapter.... I just found it so hard to write!! But here you go, and I'm pretty happy with it. Also, I've planned out a good deal of the following chapters and don't worry there's plenty more to come! Hope you like it.**

* * *

Dan paced around his apartment. This was a terrible idea; he had known this was a terrible idea. He never should have let Jenny talk him into this. Or his father. He imagined worst case scenarios: unavoidable reunions with people he had very little in common with. Only one thing actually.

A knock on the door woke him from his day dream, and he opened it to find his little sister looking all grown up. He looked her up and down before letting her in.

"You look nice."

She stormed past him, and turned around suddenly, as if doing a double take of him in his track pants.

"Thanks. You don't."She said bluntly, giving him a disapproving glare and before he can defend himself she continues, "Where's your suit?"

"I'm not going." He says, thankful their father isn't there to reminisce on his childhood stubbornness. He is aware that he sounds 5 years old. He is also aware that he doesn't care, if it gets him out of going.

She sighs, clearly frustrated. "Dan. You have to go. You were invited. Nate Archibald invited you."

He nodded, "Exactly. The reason for which I'm not yet sure of." He moves towards his kitchen to quench his sudden overwhelming thirst but she blocks him and starts pushing him towards his bedroom.

"And you already R.S." She reminded him, as he wondered when she had gotten so strong.

She brought him to a standstill in front of his wardrobe, and turned around to face her. Clearly, she didn't understand.

"Jenny, I can't-"he shrugged, not wanting to go into enough detail to finish the sentence. She gets the idea, and it pisses her off.

"You are so wrong, Dan Humphrey, if you think you're the only one this wedding is going to be awkward for. You have no idea! But we go. We go and we smile and we keep up appearances." Red cheeks start showing through her makeup. He decides not to tell her and hopes she doesn't walk past a mirror.

"We're from Brooklyn; we don't have appearances to keep up." He flashes her a grin, hoping to turn the conversation into a joke.

She gives him an icy stare, and pushes past him to grab his suit, neatly hanging at the end of the rail. "We've had appearances to keep up ever since we stepped foot on the Upper East Side." She shoves the hanger into his hands and storms of out his room, yelling "Hurry up or we'll be late!" behind her.

He's obviously not the only Humphrey to dread this event. It makes him wonder, though, what reason could his sister possibly have for not wanting to witness a happy ending.

* * *

He hands her the shimmery pale blue dress and she holds it up in front of her, cocking her head and sighing before turning to her brother. "What do you think of this one?"

Eric looks her up and down, though his answer is the same as it was for the past six dresses, "Serena, it looks great on you!" He says, feigning sincerity and trying to hide the impatience in his voice. "What doesn't look so great is the embarrassment on your face when we walk in half way through the ceremony."

She laughs, even if it wasn't that funny and turns around to the mirror again. "Okay, okay. I'll wear this one. Silver shoes, right?"

He raises an eyebrow, "You're asking me? Mom's just in the other room." He tosses a cushion at her playfully.

"Hey, you're a Van der Woodsen. You should know these things." She laughs, blocking the cushion from hitting her face then gesturing for him to turn around.

He obliges, gladly and remains silent. He can hear his mother's voices coming from the living room, although her words are muffled. And all the while, he can't help but think how right Serena was. The duties of a Van der Woodsen were many, as were the sacrifices.

* * *

It's been a long time since she last went to a wedding. Eight years to be exact. And even so, last time was different. It was her own, for one. Weddings were the perfect opportunity to do some social climbing, or falling. And for once, she wasn't sure if she was up to the challenge.

Her phone rings and after checking the caller ID, she makes sure the door to Serena's room is closed before answering.

"Hello." She answers, a smile curling her lips. She couldn't help it; it just always appeared when she heard his voice.

"I'm good, hoping to enjoy a lovely wedding later on today. That is, if Serena can find an outfit she's satisfied with." She laughs as he empathises. Of course, he must go through the same thing too.

"No he's not here, I'm meeting him at the church. He had to go to the office. As always."

Her face lights up, and she's thankful no one is there to witness it. It's been a long time since someone made her so giddy. "I should be free, I could call you after the reception?"

"I'll make something up. He'll probably be busy anyway."

The doorbell rings, and Lilly moves towards it. It was liberating, letting go of the maid. She wished she had done it sooner, though Bart still couldn't understand what had come over her.

"Hold on, someone's at the door."

She puts the hand over the receiver and she opens the door.

"Blair! How nice of you to come over. " She smiles widely, a perfected smile she has been practising for years.

Her guest nods, mirroring Lilly's smile. They are from the Upper East Side, after all. "Hi, Is Serena ready?"

She lets Blair in, but points to the telephone before quickly putting it to her ear.

"I have to go. I'll see you later. I l– me too." She hangs up quickly, a grin washing over her face before she replaces it with a more appropriate expression.

"I'm sorry; I interrupted your phone call."

She waves her hand, "Don't worry. It was just Bart."

Blair nods, and neither are quite sure how to continue. But then she remembers her struggling daughter, stuck in her bedroom with nothing to wear.

"She's in her room, not even close to being ready. Please, go help her!"

Blair makes her way to Serena's room. Lilly opens her phone again. '_Sorry, Blair came to help Serena get ready. I'll see you tonight. I'll make something up.' _She typed into her phone and looked around cautiously before adding a '_love L' _on the end and sending it to a much used number.

* * *

"Please don't tell me you're wearing that." A voice cried from the doorway.

They both recognised the voice straight away and Eric groaned loudly. "Oh God, no, no. We just decided on this!"

She turned to the mirror again; she had thought it was fine. Flattering, perfect for a wedding. Blair was just being picky. She was Blair, after all. She cocked her head, as if that gave her a new perspective, before turning to her friend. "What's wrong with it?"

Blair sighed with all the fashion wisdom and experience she had, and walked straight to Serena's wardrobe. "This isn't only a wedding. It's Nate Archibald's wedding. And you're going looking like Alice In Wonderland." She shot a look of disapproval over her shoulder causing Serena to look down at herself. She smoothed down the pale blue dress and sighed, before kicking off her heels.

Eric stood up immediately, obviously fed up with being the onlooker. "Fine, change _again_. But we're leaving in 10 minutes."

He closed the door behind him, and the girls looked at each other before giggling. Blair quickly returned to the task at hand, dressing her best friend and Serena sat on her bed, playing with her hair.

"Are you nervous?" She bit her lip as she watched her numerous dresses be tossed onto her bed.

Blair looked at her, "It's not whether we're nervous, it's whether we look nervous." She said, and picked up the dark green halter neck dress from the pile, "Oh, you are so wearing this!!" She tossed it into Serena's arms.

She looked at her with a smile on her face, "You are so Eleanor Waldorf's daughter!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Blair pushed Serena off the bed and sat down on her spot. She watched Serena say nothing as she stripped herself of the blue dress. But when the green dress was on, and Serena looked at her, asking for approval, she started laughing.

"I'll take that as a compliment?" Serena raised an eyebrow and twirled in front of Blair.

Blair stood up, handing Serena the gold heels and purse she had been holding. "We're gonna rock this wedding!"

Serena stared at her for saying something so uncharacteristic. She obviously had changed, as she had been proving to Serena for the past couple of weeks. Maybe you didn't have to leave the Upper East Side to actually lose it.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed chapter three. I'll go get started on the next one :)

Please tell me what you think!! xoxo


	4. I got lost inside a memory

**I've been such a bad writer!!! Sorry for the ice-age long wait (and this isnt even that long!!). I had exams these past two weeks, and with my writing time dropping, so did my inspiration!! Sorry again.**

**Also, i realise that i am being pretty liberal with what spoilers and season 2 plotlines I am using in my are pretty obvious, i think... but some might not be till later. So if you have any questions, just leave me a message and ill clear things up for you with out ruining the story for you!! hehe**

**Hope you like!!**

* * *

Something was wrong with his bowtie. He had been standing in front of the mirror for the last half an hour trying to tie it correctly. An act that had been drilled into him before he even started school. He knew how to do this. Still, that didn't stop his fingers from being limp and useless. On the other hand, maybe something was wrong with him.

His best man walked in, the usual knowing smirk on his face. "Well, Nathaniel, today's the big day. Are you ready?"

He shrugged. "As ready as I'll ever be." No, definitely not.

"Now, now, where's the enthusiasm? " Chuck watched him struggle with his bow tie once more, before putting his hand on his shoulders and spinning him around. "You know you can always pull out, right?"

"Yeah right..."He muttered, avoiding Chuck's gaze. "I – Yeah I'm ready. Let's do this."

Chuck's eyes softened, but he kept them on the bowtie he was tying. "Seriously man, do you need to think about this?"

A final tug and there it was. Tied to perfection, just like the rest of his life.

He narrowed his eyes, "What are you trying to say, Chuck?" Though he knew exactly what his friend was trying to say. He was giving him the perfect out. Because if anyone could make this work, it was Chuck.

"I'm saying –", Chuck turned around and made his way to the bar. "- that I've never seen a man look so depressed on his wedding day."

Nate sighed in frustration and picked up his jacket from the chair. "Look, I'm fine and I'm sure. I'm just hung over from last night and really want to be done with all this planning and get on with my life."

Chuck poured two glasses of something way too strong for a Saturday morning and looked at him.

"With Claire?"

"Yes. With Claire."Nate nodded pointedly. This was his decision. A decision he was happy with; a life he was happy to start.

Chuck smiled and handed him a glass. "I'm sure if you're sure Archibald."

He smiled. He was sure. He just wasn't sure he was happy to leave his old one behind.

"Congratulations, my friend. You're getting married." The two men raised their glasses to Nate's new future.

And then Nate drained his in one gulp.

* * *

Dan stared around at the Cathedral decor. This was what he didn't get. The extravagance, the glamour. For what, exactly?

"This wedding probably cost more than my apartment."

Jenny laughed, "Probably. Oh My God – Did you see that dress? I think that's Louis Vuitton!" She pointed excitedly to a lady who couldn't have been older than herself. And it was at times like these that he was glad his sister didn't have the Archibald's budget. Who would she have become if Gucci was her wardrobe staple?

"And you're surprised?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Right."She grinned, "What was I thinking?" She glanced back at the Louis Vuitton lady and pouted.

"Relax. Your dress is gorgeous." He put an arm around her shoulder and squeezed it lightly.

A smile spread across her face."Thanks, I didn't think you even noticed." She toyed with the hem of her dress, the one she stayed up 3 nights in a row to get perfect. Nothing less than perfect was allowed for Nate's wedding.

"So, is my little sister going to have her own ceremony anytime soon?"Dan asked his hand gesturing to the front of the altar. He shuddered momentarily at the thought; his _little _sister getting married. Something wasn't okay with that picture. But he forced a smile onto his face before she noticed anything was wrong.

She laughed, "You're the older one. I'm waiting for you!"

She looked away quickly, but not before he saw something escape through her eyes. Something like regret and sadness. A powerful cocktail if there ever was one.

* * *

Lily looked around, taking everything in. It all brought back some very strong memories: good and bad, "Everything looks so beautiful."

"I think it's a little over the top." Eric grimaced and nodded to the huge bouquets of flowers at the end of each row. It must be hell for anyone with hay fever.

"Well, maybe they did go a little over board with the flowers." Lily grinned at her son, who was not looking at her, but at his sister.

"Serena?"He nudged her gently. Serena was far, far away it seemed. Zoned out of everything around her, and Lily wondered if maybe she was doing it on purpose.

But Eric's voice brought her back to Earth, she shook her head, blonde curls flying around her shoulders. "Oh, yeah definitely." She smiled, without any idea what they were talking about.

She didn't blame her, coming back from her trip and landing on Judgement Day on the Upper-East Side. She'd want to blur everything out as well. But still, Serena was taking things a little seriously since she came back.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her arm stroking her daughter's shoulder.

A nod. "It just feels weird, like I don't belong here. I guess I just got so used to being away."

Lily squeezed her shoulder and looked around at the crowd. She wanted to tell her daughter that sometimes that feeling never went away. But as her gaze skimmed across heads of styled hair, it stopped suddenly when she recognised someone. Someone she had never expected to see there. She stared, it was rude, but she was past caring. There he was, sitting with his sister, probably commenting on the extravagance of it all. There were some things he would never understand. And she envied him for that.

"Mom?"

"Mom?"

Her children, if you could still call them that, shook her from her surprise. "Yes, sorry, I just, I thought I recognised someone. Don't worry. " She smiled and felt a hand on her shoulder. She froze for a second, not breathing. But then looked up and saw Bart.

"Sorry I'm late, I couldn't get out of the office." He said, matter-of-factly. There were no apologies form Bart, not really. She nodded, and wondered if he knew.

But then, it was Bart, "Of course" she said. Of course he knew. Of course.

* * *

She had picked out the rings when she was thirteen, and by then she already knew the venue, the dress and the flowers. She had been humming the wedding march since she was seven. She watched Claire walk down the aisle, following bridesmaids and best men and the flower-girl. She caught Chuck's eye when he walked past, but looked away quickly. It was her secret, and he could read her too well to keep anything from him. She had imagined this for a long time. This was her fantasy, it was all perfect. Except, every time she imagined it, it was her in the white dress.

She didn't love Nate. Now, when she was older and hopefully wiser, she doubted she ever loved Nate. She loved him, of course, as a friend, as a brother. But she was in love with the tradition, the fairytale. She was in love with the ring his mother wanted her to have, with a designer wedding gown.

She looked up, finally, to see them holding hands . They were both smiling, although her's was wider than his. She wondered is he was having doubts, if he was hesistating. But she knew that even if he was, there was nothing he could do. The curse of the Upper-East side. You make your bed, and you lie in it, no excuses. Unless, or course, the maid hasn't ironed the sheets yet.

The minister asked if there were any objections. She shook her head internally. She had no objections. It was Nate's turn, she'd have hers soon.

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**Please review!!! xoxo**


	5. they say you can see your future

So... Merry Xmas and Happy New Year guys!!!!! Sorry it took me so long to post this... but I hope you like it. xo

* * *

He took a deep breath and stood up slowly. It was hard to believe he was doing this again. Against his better judgment. Best men were supposed to give speeches about love, happiness, truth. They were supposed to toast the future. He knew none of this; he lied through his teeth to make someone else look good.

He looked at his best friend, newly married, a well placed smile covering his face and nodded slowly, reassuringly, before picking up his champagne glass and hitting a dessert spoon gently against it.

The whole hall fell silent, and it unnerved him. Nate was giving something up for expectations; he could see that much in his eyes alone. He had seen expectations ruin lives, relationships. And now the expectations fell on him.

He did what he was told.

"Many of you here may be surprised when I tell you that I am a strong believe in true love. I believe that there is some one out there for each of us. Someone that stays put despite and because of everything. As his best friend, I stood witness to Nate searching for his one in a million. Like me he refused to give up, he knew that his soul mate was out there somewhere. And when he first introduced me to Claire, I kept a skeptical protective eye on her. But she proved herself worthy of my friend's love and as I watched their relationship progress I came to understand that they could not be a better match. So today, as his best man, I stand witness to Nate finding true love . And that is something that never dies. To Claire and Nate."

Applause deafened him. He sat down and avoided looking at Nate. Trying hard to believe his own words, because, secretly, he needed to.

* * *

Under the table, Claire squeezed his hand. He squeezed back, Chuck's words spinning through his head, as he struggled to keep up with the speech. A smile was glued to his face, forced there, he regretfully admitted to himself. After everything, he still turned into the guy he hated. After everything, he still gave things up for the sake of appearances, reputation, ease.

His eyes scanned the hall, looking for her. And finally, his eyes fell on her blonde hair, her big eyes. They weren't looking at him, they were staring at chuck, absorbing his words.

After his best man sat back down she finally dragged her gaze to him. Their eyes met, across the room, but with too much pain for it to be romantic. He wanted to drag her out of this giant, extravagantly decorated room and explain everything to her. Make her see how hard this was for him also. Make her take back the words she had hurled at him when he broke the news of his engagement. No, he wanted to drag her away to the other side of the world and never come back. They could hide away and reinvent themselves. They could be happy.

But he couldn't. He had too many responsibilities, too many faces to keep up. Too many apples to juggle. And besides, What about Claire? He let go of Claire's hand to reach for his glass of champagne. He drained it in one gulp.

How had she ever fallen in love with him?

* * *

He was standing next to the giant floral arrangement. Of course, he had no need to mingle, guests came to him. He was like a magnet, she knew this better than anybody.

"True love?" She smirked as she walked up to him, "I know you make these things up Bass, but really?"

He turned to look at her, piercing eyes that showed no emotion, "How do you know I made it up?" He took a sip of his champagne and scanned the crowd. His nonchalance angered her. He thought he could play the same game again, he was mistaken!

She rolled her eyes. "Oh please, you think I'm going to fall for that again?! I was young then, and stupid. I've changed." She put a hand on her hip pointedly. She had changed, everyone noticed it. She wasn't about to let him get away with his games anymore. She would play her own.

"Maybe so, Waldorf," he smirked, "But you seem to have forgotten the fun we had last night."

She inhaled sharply. She had definitely not forgotten that. Or all the other times. They would be inked in her memory forever, but so were other things she had had to give up.

"I'm sure you'll remember this. Bye, Chuck." She smiled and turned to leave before pausing, "Have fun." She walked away, feeling his eyes on her back. Or lower, no doubt. She smiles even wider to herself, and finishes off her champagne. Looks like Nate isn't the only one staring a new life today.

* * *

She had done her mingling duty, she had conversed politely with all of her peers, judged the décor, and the ceremony and the dress. Compared it to her own. And felt like an outsider the entire time. It was like she lost her place in line without ever leaving.

She kept her phone one hand and a glass of champagne in the other. And didn't stop using either. She waited anxiously for the next vibration of her phone, for the screen to light up and tell her she has a new message. A connection to the real world. To the one that matters.

She was busy replying to an eagerly awaited message when she felt an arm on her shoulder.

"Bart. I'm sorry were you looking for me?" she quickly closed her phone and put on a smile.

"Actually I've noticed you've been quite attached to your phone. Anyone important?" he looked at her suspiciously.

She shook her head pointedly, "No, no. An old friend just came into town. I might meet up with her tonight." She slips her phone back into her purse and drains her glass. "Now, I should probably say hello to Eva Lincoln. You remember her, right?"

He sighed and nodded and she walked away, wishing she could do it for real.

* * *

She didn't think she had ever felt so awkward in her entire life. Did one year in Africa change her that much, or was she always the odd one out? Everything was so extravagant and rich and, well, pointless. Her wedding would never be like this. It would be tiny, and intimate.

"Serena! Why I haven't seen you in a while!" a woman covered in diamonds appeared in front of her and she struggled to remember her name.

"I've been away for a year." She smiled and shook the woman's hand.

"Oh, how nice. On holiday?"

No. Not even close.

She nodded, "Yes." She wanted to get away from this conversation. Fast. She scanned the room, looking for a familiar face that she could actually talk to. Someone who might understand. Or at least not question. She considered just leaving until she saw him. He was being bored to death, she could tell, by talk of designers of holidays in the Caribbean.

She turned to the woman, "I'm sorry, I have to go talk to someone." The woman nodded and turned to talk someone else.

She had no idea what she was doing. Or why she was doing it. It was a huge mistake, she was sure. It would just make things harder. She really shouldn't be doing this.

"Dan!" She called out, her voice traveling over heads of exquisitely groomed hair. She waited. He turned, looking for the source of the voice. A familiar voice, that haunted him for years. He saw her and their eyes locked. He moved towards her, pushing through the crowd and finally stepping in front of her. Returning into her world again.

"Serena." He said, as if confirming it was her. And for a second, she wasn't the outsider.

* * *

So, chapter 5 took a little longer than I expected.... but I you all continue reading!!! and please review! xox


	6. this relationship we're staging

Um.... so I'm kinda back... it's inexcusable so I'm not even going to try. And I can't even promise to update again soon due to exams coming up... but yeah.

Hope you like it. Although you'll probably have to reread the whole thing to remember whats going on.

Sorry!

* * *

Words did not come easily, and he was a fool if he ever thought otherwise. But the second he heard her voice, calling out his name, no less, he was pulled like a magnet. He moved towards her, pushing through the crowd as though it was his mission in life to get back to her.

"Serena." He was breathless, but he had to make sure.

She smiled, widely, more so than he would have expected but quickly looked down. Too much too soon, maybe? He wasn't sure. He didn't know what to think. But she reached up to brush a hand through her long blonde hair. It hadn't changed.

"It's really you." He said, lowering his voice slightly to mask the disbelief. But he was unable to hide a grin forming.

She looked up at him. "It's really you." She laughed and memories of their time together flew through his mind. The laugh had stayed the same.

On the surface, she looked the same. Her hair was still long and blonde. She still towered over him. She was still the goddess of beauty she was in high school. But yet, he could tell she wasn't just Serena Van der Woodsen anymore. He wasn't sure whether it was that obvious or if he just still remembered her way too well. But he could sense it, feel it.

She was tanner, and not the kind you pay for, either. The faint mark of a tan line was visible on her shoulder. Her once pale cheeks were spotted with tiny freckles. Her nails were short, unpainted.

And before he reminded himself that people actually look different after 7 years, he noticed she was standing up straighter. She had tucked her hair behind her ears. She blinked more, as if trying to get used to the new scenery.

He shook his head, telling himself he didn't know her anymore. Reminding himself that she could have changed a hundred times since he saw her last.

* * *

Everyone had been congratulating him on the beautiful ceremony, the beautiful reception, the beautiful bride. He was such a lucky guy. They would have beautiful children. The word made him want to scream. Nothing here was beautiful. Claire hadn't left his side, and already he was feeling suffocated by his own mistake.

No, he didn't want to call it that. It wasn't a mistake. It was a choice. His choice. He closed his eyes and dragged in a deep breath.

"You okay, honey?" a soft hand touched his back and looked at Claire. She was radiant, a natural beauty. She looked amazing, always would. It made it worse.

He nodded, "Yeah. I think the champagne's getting to me a little." He took her hand and squeezed it before pointing to the door, "Maybe I'll go out for a second?"

She smiled, "Of course. Be sure to have some water." She leaned up to kiss him, but he turned slightly so she got his cheek. He had to get out of here.

Claire was nothing short of amazing, from the very moment he had met her. She was charming, kind, intelligent. She was perfect, which was precisely why he proposed. He was sure that she would make him happy for the rest of her life. But that was not the reason he couldn't breathe right now. He really needed to get out of here.

He took long quick steps, dodging huddles of over-dressed guests. He wasn't looking where he was going until he walked into one.

"Oh, God, sorry!" he muttered, hoping he hadn't spilt a drink. Women go crazy if their dresses are ruined, and he really didn't have the patience to be polite.

"Oh it's fine."

His head shot up, and he caught the eye of his victim. He couldn't say anything. Really, what was there to say?

She knew, "Congratulations," she smiled widely and stuck a hand out for him to shake.

The formality felt strange with her, and his eyes couldn't let go of her huge blue ones. He didn't miss the hint of something in her voice.

"Thanks."

They stood there for a moment, as he lost more and more air to the sheer awkwardness of the moment.

"Sorry, I have to -" he trailed of and gestured to the door. She nodded and he practically ran off, leaving her standing there with unnoticed regret on her face.

All he could think about was getting out of that room, fresh air, and ways to run away from those bambi eyes he knew would forever haunt him.

* * *

"Jenny!"

The excitement in his voice made her spin around with a grin on her face.

"E!" He grimaced at his old nickname, but gladly took the hug he offered.

"Oh my God, where have you been?! I haven't seen you in forever!" She couldn't stop talking, this familiar face bringing her back to a home she didn't want to leave.

He laughed, "Oh, around..." he said, turning his hands in circles. They both paused for a moment, before he took her hand and pulled her to a quieter area, near a large potted palm tree.

He hugged her, "I've missed you." He had a look of relief on his face, one she could only place because she knew she was wearing the same one.

"Me too." She admitted, a sad smile on her lips. "But you've been happy?"

He nods, "Yeah... It's been okay. I'm still living at home though, wish I could move out."

"I have-" She starts excitedly, before toning down a notch, "Near NYU, with a friend. You should come visit."

It obvious he likes the invitation, she can see it in his eyes. "So, NYU... What is Jenny Humphrey doing with her life?"

"Fashion design," she can't but let a giggle slip. Even she couldn't understand it, after everything she went though. But she loves it. And the way she's been going, it loves her.

He grins at her, as if this fact alone made his day, "You always were amazing."

She looks around at all the fancy guests, trying to be older and better than they were, she wished for a second she could be 16 again.

So she grabbed his hand and pulled him down onto the floor, where she sat herself cross-legged. He stared at her for a second, because, of course, you don't sit on the floor if you're a Van der Woodsen and wearing an Armani suit.

But then he smiled and made himself more comfortable next to her.

"You're at Columbia, right?" she asks, playing with her hands.

He nods, ""Med School."

"Wow." She mouths, before actually saying, "that's so you. You'll be amazing."

He laughs, "I hope so."

He asks her about NYU and she starts talking and wishes she weren't at a wedding, but at home in her pyjamas and Ugg boots. On the couch sharing ice cream. She had missed him, so so much.

* * *

She finally found Bart, after an hour of searching. She was being impatient, and only one person could make her that way. She loved it and she hated it.

"Bart, there you are." She says and fusses over his bow tie for a second. "Listen, you know that friend I told you about... She really wants to catch up, so I'm going to go now, in a taxi. And you take the kids home in the Limo afterwards."

"Sounds like you've planned everything." He answered gruffly. She would've sworn she was breaking his heart, if he had any heart to break.

"I haven't seen her in a long time." She smiled and kissed his cheek before turning around.

"Lily." She said and she stopped, "Where did you say you knew her from?"

"High-school." She says, the lie slipping off her tongue like there was nothing wrong.

He raised an eyebrow, "You said college before."

Shit. "Both, actually. We were very close." She forced a smile and walked away. He had no idea how close. But that wasn't for him to know. All she could think about was getting out of there.

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